Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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