The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
