check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
