Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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