...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
