Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
