So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize