a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
