Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
