how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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