it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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