Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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