we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
