Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
