Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My bed smells like the plague
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
