ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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