the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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