Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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