you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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