So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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