Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
