I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
