I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
