I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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