I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
