So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
