Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
