I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
