I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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