sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
