I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
