38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
