Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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