smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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