You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
