just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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