opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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