i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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