I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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