6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
