It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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