The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
