At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She bit a glass in half.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
