hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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