i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
