Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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