he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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