so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
