Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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