OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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