i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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