I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
