Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
