You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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