can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
