its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
