i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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