You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
