True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
