He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
