Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
