I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
be right there i have to get my cape
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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