hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
