i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
