We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
