when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
