youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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