I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So vagazzling was a success
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
