we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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