im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
