i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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