How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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