Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
