Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize