i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
