Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's shark week go big or go home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
